behaviour.

While I am still brooding over what happened this morning, it must say the reaction from me was something unusual. It wasn't intentional, I am dead sure about that; I merely took a shot towards goal and it merely strayed off track. To say that I was nonchalent at all when he picked up his phone would be tantamount to lying, yet, to say that I was afraid of what was going to happen would be incorrect too. I did no wrong. Maybe that's why I contemplated to apologise. I know too well that an apology may do the trick, and yet I didnt even step forward. It could be that I lack the courage to admit, but I suppose another overriding reason was that I actually felt defensive. Defensive to protect myself, protect myself from being exploited for unjustifiable reasons. The thought of him exploiting that loophole and seeking compensation and etc...just stopped me from stepping forward to apologise. I didn't know what was the best way out, so I stood ground. I thought. I weighed the atmosphere, the gravity of the situation. I listened. Eventually, I approached him and apologise, albeit one without much sincerity. He dismissed it promptly, disgruntling and self-justifying. His body language hinted to me that he wasn't concerned about listening. I gave him the cold stare, walk away, while at the same time, preparing myself for any consequences that might come against me and also comforting myself that things will be all right. I have to admit I wasn't a gentleman, as I didn't apologise immediately. It was certainly unfortunate that my ball hit your car. But I felt I had a reason for holding back my apology. To consider extensively in that short period of time, to give myself some time for not making the wrong move. Most importantly, to protect myself from unnecessary grudges against me. I didn't want to commit instantaneously. For all I know, a wrong start may snowball into something worse. And nobody wanted anything worse to happen. On hindsight, I think it was 50-50.

On the issue why I acted defensively, I can hardly fathom why. I supposed it's something I've picked up in office. When you get exploited many a times, you naturally want to defend. If there's something that I can take note, it should be that I got to check my actions in the future.