i cant find a word.

If you feel pain, it means you are still alive.

Sometimes it just accumulates that nothing seems to be able to alleviate it.It is getting weaker.Perhaps everything on the list is out.Perhaps I am just deceiving myself.Perhaps there's no perhaps.

Getting stressed over trivial matters is sickening. It's an angel vs demon game. Angel reminds about taking pride in work, being accountable and carrying that sense of responsibiliy.'cause it's not the work, it's yourself. On the other hand, i really hate doing it.'cause i have no respect for it.i dont regard it at all.No obligation. The pressure keeps mounting on you, not directly but subtly.It's acquired pressure, temperamental pressure, unpredictable pressure, bewildered pressure, threats pressure, ridiculous pressure, emptiness pressure.Argggghhh. Lets ask a rudimentary question. Am i in control of myself? I cant answer that. yet.

It's Chinese New Year Eve right now.No festive mood.Right after that is the drought period.It's solo time.Definitely a tormenting one. Meanwhile, guess i should just relax and enjoy the hols :]

=0

stressssssssssed

gruelling it is. learn the art of deflection i must.

what's happening.

the moment you sit down, you have work to do. the moment you stand up, you know you are getting it. the moment you keep quiet and observe, you see invisible daggers flying across. the moment you give yourself some time to reflect and wonder whats happening, and before you dwell on it, the next dart hits you.

the moment you think of the friends around you, the tinge of sadness sets in.yet a lukewarm smile will appear involuntarily across your mind. the more you think, the more miserable it is. the more you dont think, the more degradatory it will be.

i feel challenged.it's not easy.

2310-dejected

e5 and many many more...

i wonder when will there be yet a time for us.for us to meet worthy friends again. -xian

departing for a new phase in life...

food?

meals have little to do with the food, but everything to do with the company.relationships.interaction. no matter how the unpalatable the food is, i guess after the sharing over the meal...it's all worth it :]

2200

zerosix

happy new year.....bleagh.think this yr suxs.land up in no man's land.so aimless.no more 45cents alreadyy.transport fees going up like madd.think i want to cycle everywhere i go le alr.haha. wonder if we will lose our jc frends as time passes.perhaps a little dilution is inevitable...as girls march ahead to new territories...while guys march off to parade squares.hope everything will sort out nicely by itself.haa.

song of the day: guang liang 's qi xian

2230-perhaps directionless is a direction as well...